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Ask Aeriol, Speaker, Vocalist and Energy Activist

Activating the Powerful Presence of the Divine Feminine

Tag: self care

How to build your self esteem by doing your thing.

How to build your self esteem by doing your thing.

On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your self esteem? Is it easy for you to be loud and proud and share with others your opinion? You work? How about your personal needs or preferences? Does your environment and home reflect who you are as a person? It is worth considering.

Take a deep breath.

Now I want you to Ask yourself: Who are you trying to impress?  Take just a moment and think about it. What is the first thing that pops into your mind? Your family? Your significant other? Your second grade teacher? If the answer is anyone but yourself then you need to stop seeking approval from others and begin to enjoy greater self-esteem by doing your own thing.

Approval-seeking behavior is self-sabotaging. It is exactly the opposite of being authentic. If you are seeking approval outside of yourself you are not paying attention to your inner voice, the voice of your authentic self. Besides, trying to impress others is exhausting and minimizes your own importance and individuality. The only person that you need to impress is yourself.

So if authenticity is one of your core values do you see how you would feel conflicted or like you were hiding something? Is the thing that you are hiding from others your SELF?

just dance www.askaeriol.com

just dance www.askaeriol.com

Free yourself from the need to receive approval from others:

  1. Speak up. Share your opinion. One symptom of approval-seeking behavior is the hesitance to share your own opinion. You worry that you might say something that the other person doesn’t like or doesn’t approve of and since it was your opinion, they might not approve of you either.
    • Give your opinion, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Start with smaller things. Do you think it will rain? Do you prefer red or white? Which movie would you like to see? Vanilla or chocolate?
  2. Avoid judging others. If you’re busy in your head being overly critical of others, you are not being fully present with what is going on before you. In this autopilot state of being it’s only natural that you assume others are the same towards you. This will tie you up in a knot. By training yourself to avoid this type of behavior, you’ll be less likely to make a negative assumption that everyone else is judging you. This strategy frees everyone up. Allow others to be as they are. It makes life more interesting. Sit back and enjoy the differences.
    • Notice your thoughts. Are you constantly judging others in a variety of situations?
    • Instill a habit to uplift and inspire others to find their way event if it is different than your own. Celebrate differences and perspective and watch the flow open up in your life.
  3. Beware of energetic manipulation and how you allow it. Realize that others can use disapproval can be used as a weapon. Many people use disapproval as a means of getting what they want. They may disapprove of your opinion, clothing, hairstyle, or anything else to enjoy the fruits of your submission. This is a form of energetic manipulation and once you become aware of the pattern it is up to you to break the cycle.
    • Call people on their disapproval of you. It is important that you stand up for yourself. Ask them to explain themselves if you are unclear about their stance. Remember that most negative people are looking for a victim, not a fight. When you stick up for yourself, many of the bullies disappear.
    • Knowing this can free you from seeking the approval of others. In many cases, they’re just in the game for themselves.
  4. Be aware of what happens when someone disapproves of you. Nothing happens. We seem to be born with an intense desire to fit in. But what actually happens when someone disapproves of you? The sky doesn’t fall on top of you. You might suffer from a little anxiety or embarrassment, but it passes. You are best served by learning energy tools to call back your energy to yourself and re-train negative thoughts in a more productive direction
  5. Do some things for yourself. If you’re constantly seeking approval, you’re not taking very good care of yourself. Adopt a daily practice of RADICAL Self Care. Show yourself that you’re important by focusing some of your time and energy on yourself. It might be a little bit uncomfortable at first. You might even feel selfish.
    • Make a date with yourself and schedule it in your calendar and honor it as an important obligation. This is sacred time for yourself and you are building a relationship with yourself. It is important that you know you are a priority in your life.
  6. Fill your life with things that are important. If you had to run across the street naked to save your dog’s life, you wouldn’t be worried about anyone’s opinion. That’s because your dog’s life is more important than your ego. But you don’t need a disaster to experience this.
    • Volunteer with an organization that’s doing important work in an area that you are passionate about.
    • Write a book that you believe will change peoples lives for the better.
    • Find ways to spend your time and energy on things you value.

By filling your life with people, activities and things that you value and are passionate about you will feel more ease in all areas of your life. You’ll find that you enjoy more freedom, more joy and genuine contentment in the other, less important, parts of your life.

Being overly concerned about the opinions of others is damaging to your self-esteem. Each time you seek approval outside of yourself, you’re diminishing your own self importance. Your opinion matters. Allow your individuality to be seen and experienced by others. Remember the old adage: “What other people think of you is none of your business.” It is only by embodying and aligning your highest self that you can feel the sense of approval you are searching for.

Experience Freedom by setting your authentic self free

Do you long for freedom? Do you realize that only you have the power to Set Yourself Free? Are you ready to get real and be your authentic self?

Authenticity is often underrated. It’s more than being honest with the world or speaking your mind. It’s about being honest with yourself and who you are and how you are being. There are many advantages to being authentic. Most importantly, you’ll no longer feel the need to change your words and actions to impress others. Being in authentic is EXHAUSTING! What other people think of you is none of your business. You can relax and be yourself.

Before you can be completely authentic, it’s important to know yourself. Who are you really? You need to develop a certain level of self-awareness. This includes clarity around your values and goals. This also includes developing a relationship with your higher self. Developing communication with your inner self and tuning into your body consciously on a regular basis. Authenticity becomes possible when you know what’s truly important to you as a person and as a spirit.

life-path-dolly-parton

Embrace authenticity and present yourself honestly:

  1. Give up the need to appear perfect. When you don’t need to appear perfect, you’re in the position to be honest. If you are spending to much time thinking about this you are in your head or listening to you negative ego. If you are in your heart and doing what is authentic you are not hiding or covering up anything. You are transparent. No one can be perfect and honest at the same time. Avoid putting on a show for the rest of the world. You’ll only feel bad about yourself later.
    • It’s okay to be less than spectacular. Be the best at being yourself.
  2. Know your values and live by them. If you know your core values and live by them consistently, you’re already doing well in the authenticity department. More importantly I want you to embody your values. When you are congruent with the energies or your values you actually begin to emit those energies to others. You can only do this my writing them down and referring back to them on a regular basis. Make it part of your daily practice. For myself some of my values include: Freedom, Self-Expression, Creativity, Light-heartedness, Love, Authenticity, Compassion, desire to learn and my list goes on….
    • Make a list of your core values and determine the top 5-7 that are most important to you. Are you living your life in alignment to these values? Would it be obvious to others that you hold these values?
    • Decide to make your decisions based upon your core values. Be willing to share your values with others. If something is not in alignment with what you stand for consider if you want it in your life or if you want to make some changes. It is only by making these distinctions can you start to build a reality and a world that is in harmony with who you are on a deep authentic level.
  3. Notice when you’re not being authentic. It’s not easy to be authentic all the time. You might find yourself transforming based on the situation. A first date is a good example. Or going into a networking event trying to size up a new group. Are you being authentic or pretending to be someone you’re not? Are you able to share what you are about or do you clam up?
    • Take note of those times your authenticity starts to wane. Notice if you are participating in conversations or just giving lip service without fully engaging with others. Many times we are in a conversation and we don’t even hear what the other person is saying because we are inside ourselves trying to think of what we will say as soon as the other person stops talking! It is important to be able to stay present and be with others. It is equally important to be able to share authentically when it is our time.
  4. Know your goals. What do you want out of life? What direction are you headed in? What are you passionate about? Do you know what steps you need to take to get to where you want to be? Are you willing to let others know what you want and how you intend to get there? By knowing your goals, you can you live your life and direct your activities and energy accordingly. You have to be willing to really look deeply at your motivations and be aware of your intentions.
    • Make a list of your short-term and long-term goals. How well do they align with your values? Are they your goals from your most authentic heart or are you trying to get something to win approval?
  5. What are your defining characteristics? Describe yourself honestly. Now ask yourself if a casual acquaintance would describe you the same way? How about someone that knows you well? How about your closest friend?
    • How many people know you well? If there aren’t many, ask yourself why. If you’re living authentically, it should be easy for someone to develop an accurate opinion of you because you will have nothing to hide. You will project clarity and direction. If you are not being authentic you will project uncertainty or perhaps even indifference.
    • What are your “negative” characteristics? Are you impatient, gossipy, self centered or messy? Are you willing to allow others to see these characteristics or do you attempt to hide them?
  6. Tell the truth. If you’re being authentic, why would you need to lie? This pertains especially to anything you say about yourself. Admit your mistakes, weaknesses, and frailties. Share your opinions honestly and freely.
  7. Simplify your life. Get rid of everything that’s extraneous. What you choose to keep will be representative of your preferences and your true self. Find your true essence by stripping away the non-essential. Start with the clothes you never wear, the things you never use, and the activities you don’t enjoy. Only keep the things that mean the most to you.
  8. Do what you say you’ll do. Or as Don Miguel Ruiz says in the 4 Agreements: Be your Word. Keep your word and follow through on your promises. Language is the manifestation of thought. Use your super power of words and language wisely. Choose words that uplift. Choose to keep your word when you say you will do something. Your word is who you are. You’ll feel more congruent, and others will view you as more congruent. When your words and actions match, you’re demonstrating authenticity.

Life becomes easier when you’re living authentically. You’ll no longer feel the exhaustion that comes with constantly changing your opinions, attitudes, and personality to please others. You’ll no longer feel the need to protect yourself from others.

Whenever possible choose to be authentic with your thoughts, words, and actions. Invest the time in yourself and learn to be free.

Please let me know if you have found this information helpful.

See my event page is you are a woman who wants more Power, Presence and Passion in your life! I offer talks on Energy Healing for Stress Reduction and Self-Care as well as Energy Healing Play-shops to help you develop your own Energy Healing Daily Practice.

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